Tag Archives: Neighbor

As Yourself

“Which commandment is the first of all?” Jesus answered, “The first is, ‘Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ The second is this, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.‘ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

Mark 12:28b-31

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been in a wrestling match with Jesus’ two words: “as yourself.” How would this verse sound if these two words were dropped and Jesus’ instruction was simply to love your neighbor? What is Jesus up to by shaping your love for others based on how you love your own self?

So…how do you love your own self? What does it look like to love yourself?

  • Do you forgive yourself? Or do you replay that mistake you made so long ago?
  • Do you beat yourself up emotionally if you make a mistake? A mistake with your family or at work? Are you kinder to others than you are to yourself?
  • How do you look at your body? Do you recognize its beauty or do you regularly wish you could trade it in for a different model?

How do you love yourself?

If you dig around Jesus’ words here in Mark 12, you quickly discover he is not saying anything new. In fact, his words are among the most ancient of words. First, he quotes the Jewish Shema in Deuteronomy 6:4-5, the most important commandment of the Jewish faith: “Hear, O Israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is one; you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength.” This is a helpful reminder that Jesus was not Christian, he was 100% Jewish. This Jewish command shaped his entire life.

Then, Jesus goes even further back to Leviticus 19:18b. Leviticus 19 is a how-to for loving your neighbor. Before and after this command are rules against slandering your neighbor, what to do if you impregnate your slave, instructions to love the elderly, and a command to love the immigrant. Tucked into a chapter outlining rituals and morality is God’s command, “…you shall love your neighbor as yourself…”

Now the question is not, why did Jesus add the two words ‘as yourself,’ but why did God add them? Why does God’s guide for loving your neighbor demand that you look not only outward but also inward?

Perhaps because loving your neighbor and loving yourself are inextricable. You cannot love your neighbor without also loving yourself. Let’s think of some examples.

  1. If you give yourself away again and again by doing service for your neighbor, but do not take care of your own body in the meantime, you will get resentful, worn down and even sick.
  2. If you care for the needs of your neighbor without ever recognizing your own social and emotional needs, your care for your neighbor may become shallow.
  3. If your main purpose in life becomes caring for the needs of others by ignoring your own needs, your co-dependency will drive others away, or debilitate the person you think you are helping.

In a nutshell, nothing good comes of loving your neighbor without loving yourself. Those two words, “as yourself”, cannot be removed from the equation of how to love your neighbor. How you love yourself matters for your neighbor!

  1. If you step back from the hustle of caring for everyone else, you might notice you have more genuine love for your neighbor if you rest.
  2. If you pay attention to your feelings, you may notice your helpfulness might be for show, and not out of sincere love for your neighbor.
  3. If you slow down, you might realize the people you are helping may not want so much help! How might not-helping actually be more helpful? This is tough news for moms, I know!

As yourself.

You, beloved one, matter enormously to the Creator. Take a breath and notice. Loving yourself is of great service to your neighbor.

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Let My Prayer Rise Up

“Let my prayer be set forth as incense before thee; the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice.”

Psalm 141:2 (English Revised Version)

It. Is. So. Cold outside!!!

I say this as a person who gets to experience the cold by looking out the window. For the most part, I am safely tucked in a house where the furnace works properly, and I have an excuse to wear pajamas and drink hot beverages all day!

Yesterday was Sunday, which did require non-pajama pants. I wondered out loud at the start of the 8:00 am service, “What are we doing here?” Those of us in the pews had gone in and out of -30 degree weather. “This sermon better be good,” I thought to myself as I prepared to preach. Surely I was not the only one.

This day dedicated to Martin Luther King, Jr. is wonderfully a no-school-for-students day at my kids’ school. Staff had to go out in the cold, but buses did not. No one trudged to a bus stop, no one sat behind the wheel opening and closing a door while trying not to run behind schedule. No crosswalk supervisor had to bundle up and keep traffic moving.

The cold is an equalizer. We are, each of us, vulnerable to its fearsome bite. Creatures of every kind need prayers of mercy in weather like this.

As I witness the exhaust emerge from the furnace pipe of our house, I am reminded to pray. Thank you, Lord, for the luxury of indoor heat. For the protection of insulation hiding within the walls. For hot coffee in the cup keeping my hands blessedly warm.

It is often the case that looking around the interior of our own lives leads to prayers of gratitude. Faith begins with a word of thanks. Thanking God for heat and all manner of daily bread. Thanking God for faith in a Savior whose death and resurrection checked “Get to Heaven” off my to-do list.

Gratitude, however, is not the intent. Living a grateful life may be popular, #blessed, but love for the neighbor is Jesus’ intent. How is your impoverished neighbor in this cold weather? How are those working in emergency management and human services in this cold weather?

Let those prayers rise up like incense.

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What Your Laundry is Telling You

Your laundry has something to tell you. And no, it has nothing to do with your favorite brand of detergent.

In 2014, Marie Kondo wrote “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” That’s when I learned to fold clothes. Her method is truly magical and involves setting each article of clothing from socks to sweatshirts upright in drawers. Instead of laying clothing flat, allowing only the item on top to be seen, Kondo’s method enables all the clothing equal opportunity.

Her method is partly informed by her Japanese religion, Shintoism. In the Shinto religion, every physical item contains the sacred. As Kondo folds pajamas in the morning, for example, she thanks the pajamas for a good night’s rest, acknowledging the sacred woven into the fabric.

In the Christian faith, pajamas are pajamas, although a good night’s sleep is certainly sacred! And yet, Kondo’s practice might inspire us. Your laundry can tell you how to pray for your neighbor.

  • When I fold my pajamas (the Kondo way of course!), I thank God for warmth and rest, for a safe place to lay my head, for the luxury of shelter. I pray for my neighbors who slept outside without the protection of a roof and the extravagance of a pillow and clean sheets.
  • Folding towels reminds me to pray for my neighbor far away who will never experience a hot, soapy shower; women who would do anything to bathe their babies if only clean water was readily available.

You get the idea. All around you the Spirit is stirring up prayer cues. Listen to your laundry. You will get to know your neighbor, the one whom Jesus loves so much.

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In the Weeds of the Facebook Ranting Groups

It wasn’t long ago that everyone read the daily newspaper. The inky pages were dropped at your door in the morning so when you arrived at work you and your coworkers knew the same information. The Minot Daily News informed my small town day after day.

Early in America’s lifetime, there were several newspapers. Based on your political preference, you could choose to read the conservative, moderate or liberal bend of the news. These days, we do much the same thing on social media.

What’s new, however, is the way social media has made people into sources of news. This wasn’t the intent of the internet, but it happened anyway. YouTube, for example, was first motivated to share media, but it was surprised when so many people became novice creators of content. Suddenly, any ordinary person can become an expert on make-up, home repairs, relationships, or politics.

I mentioned yesterday that I’ve wandered carefully into the weeds of social media Rantville, trying to better understand my own community and its values. My heart beats extra fast at the heartless comments in one of our community’s ranting Facebook groups.

Last night I visited with one of the people who speaks truth into the untruths of this particular site. He reminded me that Facebook does have standards that enable the rest of us to report comments that are slanderous. It is imperative that we report comments that harass leaders or claim all elections are rigged. (Or “rigid” if you get that joke.)

I would prefer never to enter the muddy mess of immaturity that is Rantville. However, I also know the 8th commandment holds me accountable to “fear and love God so that we do not betray, slander or lie about our neighbor, but defend him, speak well of him, and explain his actions in the kindest way.” (Luther’s Small Catechism)

What would happen if we took turns braving the heartless social media groups to uphold the 8th commandment? I say take turns because this is tiresome work. But what if we showed up with integrity and mercy to carry out our baptismal promise: “to care for others and the world God made, and work for justice and peace”.

I absolutely loved the interview on Kate Bowler’s podcast with David Brooks, who is one of my favorite authors. He pointed out how each and every person simply needs to be known. I have a hunch the Facebook haters feel overlooked, as though their concerns have gone unheard. I do not appreciate slander, but I would like to look into their eyes and tell them they matter. Out of faithfulness to the 8th commandment, I might even assume their expression is a concern for our community. Maybe.

Community, Peter Block explains, is not a problem to be solved but a way in which we are citizens together. Much like we can’t pick our family members, we cannot pick the people who are citizens with us. However, we can share our faith by showing up, even in the weeds, to invite others to be citizens instead of ranters with us.

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Fear, Community and the Church’s Voice

Recently at a conference, my colleague shared her experience moving to a new community. As a pastor, she knew her community well – not only the people, but practical things like the clinic phone number, her dentist, the way around the grocery store. When she moved, she explained, she felt like she knew nothing. Nothing at all! Well, she went on, she did know things. But what she knew no longer applied.

Communities are unique. Like families, communities have a dynamic. The size of the community is irrelevant. Small towns or large towns can be connected or disconnected. Urban areas or rural can be progressive or resistant to progress. Medium-sized cities or big cities can be fun and exciting or dull. I’ve lived in a very small town, a big city, a really big city, a suburb and a large town/small city, where I’ve lived now for nearly 17 years.

Yesterday, my city approved a bond to renovate and expand the public high school (particularly to replace the 1960’s original boiler which has broken down and requires parts that are now obsolete) and enhance security in the city’s public elementary schools. Perhaps because my role with a Congregation Council is to steward an old property for generations to come, I am confused why this was a difficult question in our community. Would you replace the boiler in your own home if the people who built the boiler explained they can no longer repair it?

I’ve reflected on the uniqueness of my community, which is impacted by the not-so-unique toxic presence of fear. There was fear that passing a bond would raise property taxes. Maybe there was fear of admitting that our community has grown and is projected to keep growing. Growth means change and change tends to make us fearful. Was there fear that city leaders don’t understand financial struggles experienced by some in our community – do those individuals fear they are invisible?

A common phrase in the Bible is “Do not fear.” Spoken by angels to surprised and fearful recipients of God’s important message, spoken by Jesus to the disciples: “Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not let them be afraid.” (John 14:27c) Jesus did not say this to one disciple, but to the community of disciples. If the community became fearful, it would break apart. Fear sends us in different directions and brings out our worst. Facebook rants and Thanksgiving dinner arguments generally stem from fear, when we have let our hearts be troubled and afraid.

Gil Rendl is a leader in the Methodist denomination whose latest book calls the church to attention. How might the whole church find its voice in this time of toxic fear and vulnerable communities? What, Church, do you have to say to a people who are being sent in different directions by fear? My colleague reflected upon what she knew, that it no longer applied to her new community. But the church has been here before. We’ve struggled through cultural divides over the centuries. We have heard Jesus caution the community not to be afraid. What we know applies to this moment, when the voice of fear bemoans the problems of a community without calling us to be caring citizens of that community.

I gingerly perused some social media last night, waiting for a word on the vote count. It is encouraging to see the courageous few speak truth into the untruths that enflame social media followers. The gift of truth is that it disarms fear. It invites all of us into a higher level of maturity to rely on facts and not fear. This, of course, is much less exciting. But best for a community, or even, it is the way we are a community built on hopes and dreams, facts and figures, refusing to let fear take the lead.

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Watch Out, Neighbor

In “Big Daddy,” the 1999 comedy with Adam Sandler, there is a scene in which Sandler’s 32-year-old character and a five-year-old boy he’s caring for go to a park. In classic 1990’s Sandler fashion, the two roll in laughter when they toss sticks on a path and watch the oncoming rollerbladers trip and fall.

Throughout the movie, Sandler’s character matures. Later, he and the boy go back to that very spot with a sign warning rollerbladers not to trip.

Everyone trips, even those of us too clumsy to put on rollerblades! We all trip and then furtively glance around hoping we’re the only one who noticed. Unless we’re under the age of four, tripping is embarrassing, and tiny band-aids tend not to make it all better.

We would rather not trip, and as Sandler’s matured character portrays, we would rather our neighbor not trip, either. Perhaps this movie line was inspired by the Apostle Paul, minus the rollerblades.

Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother or sister. 

Romans 14:13

Chapter 14 of Romans calls people who follow Jesus to warn others not to trip. Jesus followers are charged with the responsibility to pick up the sticks on the path and keep an eye out for oncoming neighbors who may be vulnerable to a fall.

Paul had tough words for people who had already begun to follow Christ and were getting in the way of new followers’ faith. The already-followers were creating stumbling blocks for those who were new to the Christian faith by instituting old laws related to food and drink. Jesus’ death had changed the importance of those laws. Instead of watching your neighbor trip, Paul offered:

Let us then pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbringing.

Romans 14:19

In order for the Christian faith to grow, Christians had to stop getting in their own way with judgement and rules that had been overshadowed by Jesus’ death. The cross Christ died on had become the path on which all are welcome. The further down the path we go, the better we need to be at watching out for the followers around us; the more determined we must be to pursue peace and mutual upbringing.

I suspect this is an important reminder in a time when the Christian faith has failed to pick up the stumbling blocks and lovingly clear the path for our neighbor to follow Jesus. As Christians, we are charged with the enormous responsibility of meeting each and every neighbor with mercy and not judgement, to clear the path particularly for the neighbor whom you may not like – perhaps because it is the neighbor whom you do not understand.

Together, let us clear the path for the person who will enter the church for the first time in a long time, or who will log onto worship because it feels safer to join from home. Christians, let us pursue peace and mutually build one another up. Is someone missing from worship? What stumbling blocks have gotten in the way of that person’s faith? You might be the very one to clear the path and invite them back.

Everyone trips. By the love of Jesus Christ through you, everyone has a way back up.

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Last Minute Ketchup (and a book recommendation)

We were moments away from a dinnertime-disaster. Special guests who had accepted a last-minute invitation were soon to arrive. The hot dogs and brats were finishing their sweat session on the grill. And we…had no ketchup! A key ingredient was missing.

After double and triple-checking for a sneaky bottle hiding in the pantry, I texted my lovely neighbor who replied, “I don’t have an unopened bottle but you can have the open bottle in the fridge.” Deal. Neighbor to the rescue.

Neighbors can be the way to avoid disaster, at least the dinner-variety disaster. Neighbors can offer ketchup, a friendly wave, a kind word, and understanding when your teenager plays his music at an un-neighborly volume. Like ketchup makes a hot dog, neighbors make a neighborhood, or something like that.

I’m nearing the end of the book: “Start with Hello (and Other Simple Ways to Live as Neighbors)”, by Shannon Martin. I have really liked the audiobook, even more because her voice sounds exactly like Angela Martin from “The Office.” This would be a fun book to read in a group and form neighborhood experiments from her stories.

Martin (not Angela, but Shannon), provides an honest picture of what happens when we get to know our neighbors. She names the awkward parts, the fear of rejection, the reasons we talk ourselves out of it.

I appreciate how she explains the “toxic independence” of our culture, which would first encourage a quick trip to the store before texting a neighbor for ketchup. In truth, I am dependent upon my neighbors for more than ketchup.

  • I need my neighbors if my kid is home alone and suddenly requires help from an adult.
  • I need my neighbors to let me know if something fishy is going on.
  • I needed my neighbor this endless winter to scrape the mountain of snow off our driveway with his blessed tractor.

Living independently is not neighborly and also not good for hot dogs. Or for the guests who will be eating them. A neighborhood of neighbors needing and caring for one another looks a whole lot like God’s dream for the world.

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The Real Invitation

During their afternoon naps, Cornelius and Peter had unsettling dreams.

In Acts 10, Cornelius, who was not a Jew, envisioned an order from the Lord to seek out Peter, a Jew who was part of the new Christian movement. It was unsettling for Cornelius to imagine seeking out Peter.

In his dream, Peter envisioned an invitation to eat what his Jewish dietary laws forbade, which was extremely unsettling.

Cornelius sent for Peter to come to his home, both of them unsettled.

Together in the same room, Cornelius asked Peter to tell him the Jesus story. Peter did, preaching what he called “peace by Jesus Christ.” (10:36) The problem posed in this story is this: peace by Jesus Christ can be unsettling.

Peace by Jesus Christ invites very different people together. Let’s imagine.

Imagine you are part of the gathering of very different people. Imagine the gathering as the meal of Holy Communion. Imagine at your right is the person with political views the extreme opposite of yours. This is that outspoken, obnoxious, Facebook commenting person. The person you would rather never see, let alone commune beside. And that’s not all!

On your left is the family member you avoid all year long except that one holiday where you are forced to see that person in order to please your mother. The old hurt that exists between you and this family grows like mold. The scene you are imaging gets worse.

Across the table from you are the kinds of people you demean with your friends. They are wrong in every way, an insult to an otherwise orderly society. You curse these kinds of people because your favorite news source has conditioned you to see them as a threat. And now here they are, unsettling you at the table.

Who the heck created the invitations to this meal, you wonder, unsettled? How could this group of people be expected to sit together, eat together, pray together? Ridiculous, you mumble under your breath, along with other words.

And then you remember the invitation, which didn’t seem unsettling until the moment you found your place with these people, who have also found their place at the table, at the invitation of the dark skinned and shaggy haired host.

The invitation is not to people who look or live like you. The invitation is to people who are broken like you. Mercy is the equalizer at this table, Peter discovered when his unsettling encounter with Cornelius became peace by Jesus Christ.

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Giving Up Christian Radio for Lent

This morning on the drive to school, my daughter and I turned the radio to a Christian station. We like some of the music and it is one of the few non-country stations in my corner of the world. In the 90’s, country music was awesome! Perhaps I’m getting old.

A moment after we started listening to the Christian station, I switched it off. As soon as the person giving the mini-sermon described “godless people” who are trying to raise kids without values, I turned to my daughter and explained that isn’t true. It is not true that parents who believe in God have better values than parents who do not. I did not add that there are plenty of Christian parents whose values I would question. Our commute is too short. And who am I to distinguish parents or anyone by their values?

It is a dangerous Christian faith that sets itself apart by speaking words of judgement. In an age when abuse in the church is finally being uncovered, the judgements related to values are also misplaced.

I am giving up Christian radio for Lent because I do not want to judge my neighbor by their values, but by their need. Where there is need, there is my neighbor whom I am called to love. Where there is any kind of human, “godless” or not, whatever that means, there is brokenness. Where there is mercy, there is Christ.

Where there is music, may you be moved to love your neighbor with the mercy of Christ.

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Logs, Specks and Blame Validation

We all know them: Christians who bubble over with judgement, who hold people to impossible standards, whose words of criticism set a bushel basket over the gleam of Christ’s mercy. Not only do we know them, we are them.

“You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.”

Matthew 7:5

Ugh! It might be the disturbing image of a log lodged in a person’s eye that makes this verse unforgettable. How careless must a person be to end up with log in the eye? The logistics baffle me.

Sure, Jesus is being hyperbolic. Stretching the illustration to ridiculous proportions, he wants you to realize that at the very moment you are judging someone, you are ignoring the many reasons you could be judged.

I know, I don’t like it either!

Today I learned a new term: “blame validation”. It means that first we find someone to blame and then we create reasons to justify it. We live out our toddler years again and again when we point blame and judgement far away from our own selves.

  • The country’s deficit dilemma? It’s those politicians on the other side.
  • The murder of Tyre Nichols? It was ___ fault. Not my problem.
  • My own home state is facing extreme legislation related to gun laws and abortion. Blame validation fills the space between each line of the bills.
  • The toaster waffles are gone? It’s my brother’s fault.

While it may appear to make our lives easier to point blame and judgement, it actually makes our lives more complicated. Judgement is corrosive to our hearts. Where compassion is needed, we paste over the corrosion with self-righteousness. Practicing blame validation, we continue to come up with reasons to justify the blame. This is particularly dangerous if we hang around people who agree with us.

This is always a good question for self-reflection. Who do I visit who does not agree with me politically? Visiting with people who are willingly to challenge you in a respectful way will always make you wiser. They will help you see the log you somehow got stuck in your eye. If you are courageous enough to keep the conversation going, you will then help them see the speck in their own eye. The following week, the roles will be reversed: you with the speck and your conversation companion with the log.

In Matthew, chapter seven, it helps to keep reading. Jesus follows up the log and speck illustration with instructions for prayer.

“Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock; and the door will be opened for you.”

Matthew 7:7

And a few verses later, the “golden rule”.

“In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets.”

Matthew 7:12

Jesus moved from warning against judgement, to instructions to pray persistently, to the ancient law to love your neighbor as yourself. We may want to rephrase that verse to say, “judge your neighbor as yourself,” but that would put us out of bounds. As much as we feel drawn to the judge’s seat, we do not belong there. Ever.

Notice yourself today when you slip into blame validation. Then check your eye for a log.

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