Category Archives: books

The Show That Inspires Me to Make the Bed

(Photo by Adam Winger on Unsplash)

Do you make the bed?

A few months ago our church staff read the book Liturgy of the Ordinary, by Tish Harrison Warren. One ordinary practice she highlights is making the bed. It was fascinating to discover who makes the bed and who does not! I sort of assumed making the bed was a boring grown-up thing we all do, but alas, it is not.

I don’t recall a time when I did not make the bed. It was expected of me as a kid, and my dad taught me a cool trick he’d learned in the army to make the corners tight.

I don’t recall enjoying making the bed, however, until watching Downton Abbey! The way Anna and Mrs. Hughes could whip those crisp, white sheets into shape and pull them as tight as a bad Botox job. In the mornings when I make the bed, I channel my inner-Anna and pull those sheets tight!

The other joy in making the bed, washing the dishes, or running hot water for a shower is the reminder to use those everyday moments for prayer. When I make my bed a generic version of the fancy Downton Abbey beds, I pray for the people who spent the night without a bed. I pray for people without enough food when I wash a dish. And I pray for the human beings who will never experience the luxury of a hot shower.

Do you make the bed? Do you channel your inner-Anna? No judging. I learned in our staff book study that you can in fact be a very cool grown-up with a messy bed.

The Food of Mondays

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Mondays often have me thinking about food.

On Mondays (this pastor’s Sabbath) I like to hang out in the kitchen and prepare snacks and treats to intercept my kids’ reach for store-bought granola bars and Cheez-its.

They have eaten enough peanut butter protein bites to last a few lifetimes. Rice Krispie Bars with peanut butter are a new favorite. Of course, if the cookie jar is empty the chocolate chips cry out to become cookies. “Help!” they yell. “The chips are down!”

Last week I discovered the world’s most delicious pumpkin bread recipe, complete with a sugar sauce that might be the death of me.

On Mondays I also dream of grown-up food. Most recently, I feel inspired by Tamar Adler’s book, “The Everlasting Meal”. Her cooking is very grown-up, yet also simple and dreamy and good for you. She has made me so hungry for eggs and vegetables.

I’m also inspired by my friend’s Instagram posts @realdakotakitchen. She makes real food for a family with real kids who are slightly but not too grown-up.

Food is among my favorite conversation topics and making it is a favorite thing to do. For me, being thoughtful and strategic about food is a way I care for and connect with my family. It is easy to overlook food’s magnetic power, and easy to get bored with the few things I can actually make well.

99% of us need an abundance of inspiration in the kitchen. The other 1% are the inspirers who make my Mondays, and hopefully yours, even better.

COVID-19 on Mars and Venus (but actually on Earth)

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Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, John Gray proposed many years ago. Or to paraphrase a woman I volunteered with a couple of weeks ago at baseball concessions, “Women have many things on their minds, men have just one.”

Hehehe.

Yesterday I was on a Zoom call with pastors from around the country. It was our first gathering in a cohort through Luther Seminary We discussed chapters from our first book, Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership, a book that happens to align well with the times, although I suspect it was chosen before March.

In a break-out group of about 7 people, 4 of us were women. We shared openly what has been tough on our souls these past 4 1/2 months. Consistent with what I am hearing from other women, the pandemic is leaving women wondering how much we can actually work our paid jobs and at the same time live our vocations as moms and partners.

For me that means, can I be emotionally present with my kids as they process the changes and grieve the losses through the year ahead, and at the same time lead a large congregation through the same soul work? Can I be fully me, fully present, fully awake to the joys and sorrows both at home and in my call? Do I have the capacity to be mom, partner and pastor all at once in this season of uncertainty?

For now, yes. And it was affirming to hear yesterday from my colleagues who are female that they, too, are overwhelmed by the same pressure. I was in good company.

For me on Venus, I will be very gentle on myself regarding what I can actually do. I’m going to cook good food at home, take walks, mine for conversation with my kids and spouse, and be available and prayerful in my work. I expect to do more listening than anything else. I expect to get frustrated, cry, and enjoy a brown ale to ease the pain. I also expect to lean on my partner, my friends, and my family in a way I maybe never have before, knowing it takes more than a village to be well through a pandemic. Not one of us has done this before. It is a wilderness. And wilderness is full of the presence and light of God, on any and every planet.

Saying Yes and Saying No

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Life as a spouse and a parent is like a chess match in which each choice moves you a square. You say yes to something that stretches you too thin and you move in the dangerous path of a bishop. You say no to what would be good for your workplace but not your family and you get closer to the opposing queen.

You say yes to cooking healthy food instead of eating from the freezer section and you move in the right direction. You say no to spending time with a friend and a knight bulldozes you from around the corner.

I know very little about chess. My son taught me a few years ago and quickly grew bored defeating his mother. I do, however, know something about saying yes and saying no.

Last weekend, I very intentionally said yes to most of the items on my daughter’s agenda, which Fancy Nancy taught her is fancy for “schedule”. This is very normal for some moms but not so normal for me. It’s important to me to play with my kids, and also important to me that they learn how to be bored and entertain themselves so I can get a few things knocked off my list each day.

I said yes to changing Barbie clothes, yes to taking a walk, yes to reading a story, yes to playing Unicorn Uno. And so, I said no to updating our finances, no to reading a grown-up book, no to cleaning up the kitchen, and no to pruning the perennials that are safe for me to prune.

These no’s and yes’s are not easy for me. It is not possible to say yes to everything. A mom cannot say yes to exercising, cooking healthy, playing with kids all the time, working a paid job, and maintaining a healthy marriage. Ada Calhoun points out in “Why We Can’t Sleep” that a long time ago, a mom and wife was responsible for only a few of those things. Now, we often put so much pressure on ourselves to say yes to everything and no to our own well-being.

And so it is the weekend, (the week’s end), when we might say yes to a little more downtime and no to some of the chores that can certainly wait. And I think I just moved a square, (a single square), in the right direction.