The best parenting analogy I know came from a 7-8th grade school counselor several years ago. She described walking through a tall corn field as a kid and trying to find her way to her mom. When she couldn’t find her mom because the stalks were so tall, it was scary. As she grew older and taller, it became easier to find her way. She could see more of the field until finally she could see as far as the grown-ups.
Parents and guardians need to recognize the limited view of a kid. We cannot expect kids to see as far as the adults. Their limited view can sometimes be scary. Because they cannot see as broadly as the adults, we need to meet them where they are at any particular time in their lives.
I was remembering this analogy this morning when I wondered, in befuddlement, whether the prefrontal cortex of my teenagers will ever, ever, form into one developed brain. Their sleep patterns, morning routine, study habits, priorities and diets are an utter mystery to me. I had an entire conversation that luckily stayed in my head. “Why don’t you…?” “My Lord, it would be so much easier if you…” “Honestly, what the what…?” Time for more coffee.
I remembered then that they can only see so much of the corn field. For now, I will meet them where they are, which is just where they should be. I will keep the conversation in my head and love them with their glacial formation prefrontal cortexes because they are exactly who God needs them to be at this particular time in their lives.
Parenting is one long practice in self-restraint. My work isn’t to change my kids as much as it is to be aware of conversations that mostly need to remain in my head. It is getting more crowded up there, for sure, but I’ll keep making room.
Lisa Lewton 