Life as a spouse and a parent is like a chess match in which each choice moves you a square. You say yes to something that stretches you too thin and you move in the dangerous path of a bishop. You say no to what would be good for your workplace but not your family and you get closer to the opposing queen.
You say yes to cooking healthy food instead of eating from the freezer section and you move in the right direction. You say no to spending time with a friend and a knight bulldozes you from around the corner.
I know very little about chess. My son taught me a few years ago and quickly grew bored defeating his mother. I do, however, know something about saying yes and saying no.
Last weekend, I very intentionally said yes to most of the items on my daughter’s agenda, which Fancy Nancy taught her is fancy for “schedule”. This is very normal for some moms but not so normal for me. It’s important to me to play with my kids, and also important to me that they learn how to be bored and entertain themselves so I can get a few things knocked off my list each day.
I said yes to changing Barbie clothes, yes to taking a walk, yes to reading a story, yes to playing Unicorn Uno. And so, I said no to updating our finances, no to reading a grown-up book, no to cleaning up the kitchen, and no to pruning the perennials that are safe for me to prune.
These no’s and yes’s are not easy for me. It is not possible to say yes to everything. A mom cannot say yes to exercising, cooking healthy, playing with kids all the time, working a paid job, and maintaining a healthy marriage. Ada Calhoun points out in “Why We Can’t Sleep” that a long time ago, a mom and wife was responsible for only a few of those things. Now, we often put so much pressure on ourselves to say yes to everything and no to our own well-being.
And so it is the weekend, (the week’s end), when we might say yes to a little more downtime and no to some of the chores that can certainly wait. And I think I just moved a square, (a single square), in the right direction.
Lisa Lewton 